(#39 ISW) The Diamonds Are Still There
Good Times Gone - Nickelback
The Do Selfish Well Newsletter’s Introspection Song of the Week (ISW) series is meant to aid your self-exploration by uniquely tying songs with thought-provoking topics for you to think about yourself in new ways, and sometimes, to show you that you’re not alone. Check out the main articles for more in-depth discussions on select topics related to the Newsletter’s underlying philosophy.
Oh, the good ‘ole days. Remember those? Back when we had X and didn’t have Y and Z. We naturally reminisce about good times in our lives, wondering if we can recapture them even if we believe they are gone forever. So we start searching.
Nickelback suggests places to look—between the couch cushions, as far as the eye can see from some vantage point, in old photo albums and movies that remind us of those times. We try everything we can think of to get back there.
Maybe we simplify our lives, thinking if we just get rid of the clutter, we'll find what we're missing.
Maybe we sell everything and start over somewhere new, convinced a change of scenery will bring back that feeling.
Maybe we buy programs and courses that promise to teach us the keys to happiness we no longer have.
We scroll through social media, looking at other people's highlight reels, wondering if they've found what we're missing.
We plan expensive vacations to places that look like where we used to be happy.
We reach out to old friends, hoping they can somehow transport us back to who we used to be.
No matter where we look, we still might not find it. We're searching frantically, desperately, but we still might not even know what we're looking for.
What We’re Really Looking For
That’s because what we’re looking for is not “carved of stone or made of wood.” It’s not a person, place, or physical thing. And fortunately, it’s not the exact scenario of the good times we reminisce about because that is gone forever.
It’s a feeling. We’re looking for the feelings that we felt during the good times.
If we don’t recognize that it’s certain feelings we are chasing or don’t know what the feelings were, then we’re just hoping to stumble upon it. We might be in a diamond mine, surrounded by diamonds, yet it’s dark as hell and they’re hard to find. We might be moving our hands around in the haystack trying to find the needle.
And when we search and search without success? We might resign ourselves to believing our best days are simply behind us. That our lives are just what they are now.
But that doesn’t have to be the case. The feelings we're after haven't expired. They haven't moved away or grown up or changed. They're still available to us, waiting to be recreated through new experiences, new relationships, new adventures.
Giving Ourselves a Flashlight
We must first give ourselves a flashlight in the diamond mine by identifying the feelings we are chasing. When we know the feelings, it is easier to brainstorm ways to elicit them again, easier to see a diamond when we come across one.
For me, I figured out the feelings behind what I still viscerally remember enjoying as a kid. The freedom and connection of riding my bike with friends around the neighborhood. The openness of creativity when writing short stories in elementary school. The serenity of being lost in a book’s story. The excitement and adventure of family vacations.
Through my brainstorming, I found that today I could seek out new friendships, read fiction before bed, be more intentional about traveling and where, explore what is happening in my own city, and start writing a book and newsletter.
I’m not traveling trying to become ten years old again. I'm seeking that same sense of excitement, freedom, and adventure. When I write, I'm not trying to recreate my third-grade classroom. I'm chasing that same creative flow that made me lose track of time.
We're not doomed to live in the past as we get older. Our best days don't have to be behind us. They might just be waiting for us to stop looking for yesterday's scenario and start creating today's version of the same beautiful feeling.
Let’s be more intentional about finding ways to give ourselves what we crave. By doing so, we can build new "good times" around the same core feelings we felt back then.
The diamonds are still there. We just need to know what we’re looking for and be able to see it when it’s in front of our faces.
Take care of yourself,
Alex
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