The Problem With “Let It Go”
Why Your Brain Won’t Drop What You Tell It To
For a little extra fun, I pair a song with the article in the Introspection Song of the Week (ISW) series. Think of it like a fine wine perfectly paired with your delicious meal.
(#47 ISW) Devil I Know - Aven
The instructor says it in a yoga class. A friend says it across the table. A self-help post tosses it out like a magic spell.
Just let it go.
And every time, some part of me wants to grab the person by the shoulders and shake them. How?!? Tell me how!
Because I’ve tried. To let go of the thought that keeps popping up. The tension in my shoulders. The anxiety I no longer want to carry. And my brain, somehow, is exceptionally good at holding on while I try to let it go.
Part of why is the white bear problem I’ve mentioned before.
There’s a classic study where you tell someone “don’t think of a white bear”—and of course, that’s exactly what they think of. “Let it go” works the same way. It sounds like instruction in the affirmative, but underneath it’s really telling my brain: don’t do this. Don’t feel that. Don’t hold onto that.
So my attention goes straight to the very thing I wanted to release. My brain, having been pointed at it, does what brains do. It focuses on it. It holds it tighter.
The other part is that my brain is holding on for a reason.
My brain is always trying to help me. Every signal it sends—every automatic thought, every emotion, every tightening in my body—is information it has been programmed to believe I need to hear.
I can’t just tell the seatbelt chime in my car to turn off. It’ll keep ringing until I buckle up. My brain works the same way. It won’t release a signal until I listen to what it’s telling me or the moment it’s signaling about passes—or until I address the programming sending the signal in the first place.
And it can be really frustrating. When I know what my brain is telling me, when I’ve gotten the message, when it’s told me a thousand times before—and yet it keeps telling me—I want to scream at it. I get it! Just. Let. It. Go.
But that frustration is just one more thing my brain now has to hold. It doesn’t help anything.
If you keep hearing “let it go” and you can’t do it, nothing about you is broken.
Every human has stood where you’re standing. Trying to force your brain to release something is, more often than not, counterproductive. Sometimes impossible. Not because you’re weak—because your brain isn’t built to drop a signal it believes is keeping you safe.
What does help is the slower thing.
Learning what your brain is actually telling you, if you don’t already know. Sitting with the signal long enough to process it—reassuring yourself, soothing yourself, speaking to yourself with empathy. Asking why your brain keeps sending the same message, and listening to the answer.
And if you genuinely need to set down what you’re carrying for a while—because right now isn’t the time to process it—redirect your mind elsewhere instead of telling it to let go. EFT tapping. A mantra. A quick yoga flow that drops you back into your body.
Not letting go. Redirecting to something else. There’s a difference. Your brain can focus on the orange, not on the absence of the apple.
Now, your turn.
The next time someone tells you to just let something go—and you feel that flash of frustration because you already know it doesn’t work like that—try this instead. Get curious about what your brain is still holding.
What is it trying to tell you? What does it believe you need? Has it told you a thousand times before?
Maybe what your brain needs from you isn’t to be dismissed—it’s just to be heard.
And if you already know all the answers to the questions? Then dealing with the faulty programming is tough. You deserve some compassion.
Would love to hear your thoughts on “just let it go” in the comments.
Take care of yourself,
Alex
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Well Alex, that song made me cry.
Really well written. The seatbelt chime metaphor was excellent.
I think that’s why “just let it go” can feel so frustrating sometimes, the brain usually keeps replaying something because, rightly or wrongly, it still believes something unresolved or uncertain matters.