I really liked this article. I know my feminist female perspective well, but it was very welcome to broaden my horizon with John's and your knowledge and feelings. I was aware that many men carry fear and uncertainty but I was not aware of the extent of the underlying PAIN. I am writing an essay about feminism that I will post on Substack. Thankfully John is willing to give me feedback on that one. Maybe it needs some addition. – I am blessed with several male friends with whom I can be completely myself and they can too. With them I can talk about EVERYTHING, just as I can with my female friends. In complete trust. – I believe that the issues between genders can never be resolved BETWEEN genders, it happens within ourselves. You said it so beautifully in your article, towards the end of it. If I may paraphrase it a bit: "The path to being a Human isn't through meeting someone else's expectations – it's through having the courage to discover and become yourself. /---/ You become magnetic to the right people /---/ because you're genuinely yourself. And that version of you – the real you – is the only version worth being." Yes, Alex, I can attest to that. It works, I live like that. Nowadays. I can now meet people in freedom because I don't NEED them to validate me. Frees them from that job, which is mine to begin with! What all this boils down to is also that the MALE-ROLE and the FEMALE-ROLE as roles go lose their stranglehold. We are HUMANS (SOULS even!) first and foremost, and everyone must be free to shape their expression as they feel like, without being judged. Otherwise we ALL lose. The burdens and the pressure that so many live with are so unnecessary! Thank you for doing this empowering work! Maria
Exactly, Maria. I'm glad you found this article insightful and agree with everything you've said here. My repeating of the path to being a man for the path to being a women was meant just as you paraphrased--it's the path to being a human. Men and women have undeniable differences, but if we try jamming ourselves into specified roles it's like jamming two puzzle pieces together that don't fit. If instead we become empowered individuals who are true to ourselves, then suddenly the puzzle pieces complement each other and fit together.
You might find this TED talk I came across last year interesting as it touches on these same topics:
Thanks also for subscribing! Glad to have you aboard and I trust you'll find future articles insightful, unique, and most importantly, thought-provoking.
You captured the confusion many men feel when trying to meet shifting expectations while staying true to themselves.
I especially liked the part about men losing themselves in the process of trying to be “right,” and the insight that definitions of masculinity often come from unexamined emotional reactions. The Play-Doh image was powerful too.
I really liked this article. I know my feminist female perspective well, but it was very welcome to broaden my horizon with John's and your knowledge and feelings. I was aware that many men carry fear and uncertainty but I was not aware of the extent of the underlying PAIN. I am writing an essay about feminism that I will post on Substack. Thankfully John is willing to give me feedback on that one. Maybe it needs some addition. – I am blessed with several male friends with whom I can be completely myself and they can too. With them I can talk about EVERYTHING, just as I can with my female friends. In complete trust. – I believe that the issues between genders can never be resolved BETWEEN genders, it happens within ourselves. You said it so beautifully in your article, towards the end of it. If I may paraphrase it a bit: "The path to being a Human isn't through meeting someone else's expectations – it's through having the courage to discover and become yourself. /---/ You become magnetic to the right people /---/ because you're genuinely yourself. And that version of you – the real you – is the only version worth being." Yes, Alex, I can attest to that. It works, I live like that. Nowadays. I can now meet people in freedom because I don't NEED them to validate me. Frees them from that job, which is mine to begin with! What all this boils down to is also that the MALE-ROLE and the FEMALE-ROLE as roles go lose their stranglehold. We are HUMANS (SOULS even!) first and foremost, and everyone must be free to shape their expression as they feel like, without being judged. Otherwise we ALL lose. The burdens and the pressure that so many live with are so unnecessary! Thank you for doing this empowering work! Maria
Exactly, Maria. I'm glad you found this article insightful and agree with everything you've said here. My repeating of the path to being a man for the path to being a women was meant just as you paraphrased--it's the path to being a human. Men and women have undeniable differences, but if we try jamming ourselves into specified roles it's like jamming two puzzle pieces together that don't fit. If instead we become empowered individuals who are true to ourselves, then suddenly the puzzle pieces complement each other and fit together.
You might find this TED talk I came across last year interesting as it touches on these same topics:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3WMuzhQXJoY
Thanks also for subscribing! Glad to have you aboard and I trust you'll find future articles insightful, unique, and most importantly, thought-provoking.
I really enjoyed this, Alex.
You captured the confusion many men feel when trying to meet shifting expectations while staying true to themselves.
I especially liked the part about men losing themselves in the process of trying to be “right,” and the insight that definitions of masculinity often come from unexamined emotional reactions. The Play-Doh image was powerful too.
Thanks for pushing this conversation forward.
Thanks, John, and for your contribution to the conversation as well. Glad we collaborated on this topic!